GORDON BENNETT, DAD OF GOD
To the people of the world who pray, take a seat, here comes some news.
Your immortal being, your supreme power, your life shepherd, is just another everyday Joe like you. He/she/it has been pulling the wool over your believing eyes. Allah, Buddha, God, Krishna, Tao, Brahma & co, they all commute to work. They all bicker, whinge and admit lentils give way to wind. They all have their own manual on how to operate us, but the truth is someone’s pulling their strings. Yes, they have parents too and true to Larkin, they fuck them up.
Take God’s old man, Gordon Bennett. He’s been around the block, had his problems with the drink. As for women, Mother Earth is in a custody battle with the mighty Bennett this very day. Gordon does his best to bring up his deity, but sometimes best ain’t good enough. Not for God. You see, as an only child he’s been spoilt. The breakdown of Gordon and his planetary wife exacerbated matters. Now, the age he is, he feels let down and is turning to us mortals to guide him through his rites of passage. Angels talk of his doubts over gender and his long held belief that the worm shall inherit the earth with its hermaphroditean rod.
Of course you may dismiss this seismic talk as mere ethereal gossip, or you can consult the sun and other major planets. By all means, stick by who rather than what you know, but don’t say Gordon never told you.
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On behalf of Lady Earth, I serve you a writ.