FAMILY & OTHER SYMPTOMS

I love my clan. But. There’s always a but. But ‘but’ isn’t necessarily bad. It can be an and. Enough of the alliterations.

Here is the point: the closer we are to our family, the more likely we are to live by generational relationships (ie: adult to child, and vice versa).

For better or worse, distance creates an equilibrium whereby we make our own decisions without localised pressures. In doing so, we all blunder through life, learning by mistakes and love one another all the more for it. Families create patterns of influence, be it genetic or sequacious acts of laziness. When we hear we are turning into our mother or father, we can embrace their wisdom and ways, or sprint for the nearest cliff.

As a Libran I sit on the fence, until it collapses.

AVIARY POWER STATIONS

This morning on Radio 4, a spokesperson for the RSPB announced the thumbs up for wind turbines, as long as they steer clear of nesting zones. Great I thought. Then, I thought more until I met avian power. Stay with me on this one. Imagine harnessing the wind from the flap of a bird’s wing and multiplying it a trillion times over. What if we could capture the force of fanned flight and store the energy in off-shore sails the size of East Anglia? We may need the whistling gifts of our finest pigeon fanciers and shepherds to act as air traffic controllers, but with Beaufort on our side we may yet light a bulb.

THE DEPRESSED BALLOON

A film about failure that never quite gets made.

GAPS TELL STORIES (# 74,974)

Pauses.
Silences.
Absences.

Emptiness. Betweens.

SUMMER SAYS HI

but left before we could mould a sleeping horse into the tarmac of the road.

SUPERDAD RETIRES 19-3-09

He sired a child every year of his life, from the age of 15 to 77. Among a village of impotence, he alone kept the tribe on the up. At the birth of his 62nd bairn, a fertile son, he finally hung up his loins.

WRITING IS FISHING (# 74,975)

Cast enough words onto the page, wait, hum, wait, chew a nail, wait until one such sentence gaffs a nerve for the keep net. Remove to a chopping board for gutting, filleting and cleansing. When free of bones, eat whole. Resist all attempts to garnish.

THE INDECISION (# 74,976)

Write a novel that becomes a puzzle that grows into a manifesto that is coerced into instructional prison that escapes as a worldwide vaccine for boredom to be read in several directions at once.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE STAND-UP

In the Bulgarian city of Pleven, there is growing evidence that the cow is the king of comedy. The workers at the Madyan abattoir tested the sense of humour of 5 common farm animals and cattle came out tops. The sheep’s receptivity to the double episode Lenny Henry show was non-existent, leaving them propping up the laughter chart.  Here are the final standings.

Sniggers (over 1 hr)             Volume of laugh (dBA)

1)    Cow                            29                                    103
2)    Pig                              14                                    67
3)    Turkey                        11                                    90
4)    Chicken                       8                                     110
5)    Sheep                          0                                     10 (normal breathing)

COOKING WITH WORDS (# 74,977)

The kerners cookbook is now out.
Here’s an appetiser.

3     2       1        4
EN–COU-RAGE-MENT

Take one teaspoon of ‘rage’.
Simmer gently on gas mark 5.
Add 200ml of ‘cou’.
Stir for 5 mins til they blend into a ‘courage’.
Chop a sprig of ‘en’ and sprinkle into pan.
Leave the ‘encourage’ to cool.
Roll out one layer of ‘ment’ and place the encourage on top.

Serves doubters.

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