GUEST & HOST

Flea:       What you drinking?
Bat:        The usual, O positive. You?
Flea:       Nice viscosity, claggy on the tooth, wanna sip?
Bat:        Mm-mmm, B rhesus negative, the best.
Flea:       Hey, lay off, that’s my vein!
Bat:        Aw, go suck yourself.

EVE & EVE

Eve 1:        You’re gorgeous.

Eve 2:        You too!

Eve 1:        Shall we start a family?

Eve 2:        Love to!

Eve 1:        God does IVF now, doesn’t she?

TRY A GLORIOUS LIFE

“All can have if they dare try a glorious life”, read the tattoo across her shoulderblade.

HOW TO WRITE IN A SQUARE (# 74,964)

This four word test will make each post halt.

Then turn down with deep load till hits base.

Roll left when line says move over lazy bone.

Then rise plus soar plus join back home safe.

THE SAFEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD

With motherhood came caution. She removed all items of sentimentality from her purse for fear of loss or mugging. She wore a life jacket when it rained and brushed her teeth through the open visor of a full face crach helmet. She lashed a seat belt to her dining chairs and wore fenders round her hips when she nipped to the shops. Only at death would she rediscover her verve and jump from a plane in a rubber ring.

THE HORIZONTAL STAIRCASE

Looked bad on paper, but worked wonders in reality. If you can draw, please post your diagram here:

PRUNING BOOKS (# 74,965)

A week ago I grabbed a book on nature and left it beside my bed as I dozed off. In my dream spasm I managed to spill water on it. The next morning I awoke to the incontinent book and noticed it had caught the early morning sun and formed a small green shoot from the top of the spine. I pruned it to fit the bookshelf only for the book to throw itself off in order the photosynthesize and sprout new young leaves. So, I relented. Now it sits in a saucer of water and the first bud has appeared. On each petal, I spy words eager to blossom, act out their moment, then wilt and fall a good death into the mulch of the spine.

BOG BLOG SLOG (# 74,966)

It sist there like a bag of washing saying: I am festering. So today, on this day when roads melt and brains seep, here comes some fairy non-bio blog-love with ecover conditioner. From here on in, thou shall not smell.

EMPATHY BYPASS

What is it with Evan Davis, Robert Preston, and every other super-hack off the BBC correspondent production line?  As the world goes bust, they continue in their over-expressive manner stripping their so-called expertise of any substance. Each report, however benign the news, hits us with the hyper-enthusiasm of a Jonathan Pearce penalty shoot-out. We have words for you. Ease up. Breathe. Quieten. Listen to yourselves. You’re trying too hard to be interesting. And it’s catching. Bye.

BINGE BLOGGING

‘Blogs and drugs are one and the same’, said the tourniquet to the space bar.