CURE DEMENTIA BY OXYGEN

Do you remember hyperventilating as a child? Rapid manic breaths in and out of a crisp packet (preferably not containing glue), then flaking out in the playground to be brought to by a teacher way out of their comfort zone.

Now, as our children experiment with smart drugs, we can rekindle that good old tripping feeling with sea air and live longer to boot.

  1. Stand headlong into the wind a good ten feet from a cliff.
  2. Inhale as fast and deep as your lungs will allow.
  3. Wait for that Alka Selzer fizz in your brain.
  4. Float dangerously close to a stroke, like a boat flirting with the rocks.
  5. Roll your head 5 times in both directions.
  6. If you’re still conscious, you’ve judged it right and you just staved off dementia for another decade.
  7. Celebrate with a bottle of rough whisky.
September 18, 2009
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Comments

One Response to “CURE DEMENTIA BY OXYGEN”

  1. Matt Cooper on September 18th, 2009 4:47 pm

    I’ve always favoured the 10 forward rolie-polies followed by a pollen induced sneezing fit.

    you can only do it at the height of summer. but it’s worth it. i can’t even spell dimenshia.

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