HAPPY BIRTHNIGHT TO YOU

Happy deathday to you

Happy afterlife dear…………….(insert your name here)

Happy ante-conception to you

A song sung to me by ghosts

HOW TO DRAW A SOUL (# 74,926)

Squiggle.

Rub a bit out.

If you’ve used ink, enjoy the smudging sensation.

You’ve now made a soul by hand from scratch – they’re overrated.

Now sell it to the red faced gentleman with the hot hands and the serpent tail.

WHY MOTHS LOVE LIGHTS

If you’re up now, maybe in front of a screen, of some kind, or perhaps hanging around under a streetlight waiting for trade, of some kind, or possibly even clung to the front of a moving vehicle, of some kind, you may well be sharing your space with a moth.

Now, we all know they love light like we love New York, but we don’t know why. I’ve scoured the entire web (insert insect/arachnid gag here) and some fat and clever books and I’ve yet to hear a decent reason. When we finally find out, in a roundabout way we shall solve the human headaches of time zones, arson, colour blindness, war and infertility – just don’t ask me to draw you a diagram.

Ask Paul at www.copyrightdavis.com

BUDDHA THE YOUNGER, ALLAH THE EDLER, KRISHNA THE MIDDLY

Do Gods have siblings, and if so, are they mortal?

MALE NAIL VARNISH (# 74,927)

I’ve been wearing it all week, courtesy of my daughter. It’s only the left hand, the hand with which I now type slowly and dizzyingly. By resting my head upon my right hand it helps the left hand to focus. The distance covered by my gliding left hand is so much greater, like a manic fly in its lasts throws of life having been locked in a room with stale air polluted by unwashed socks worn by a farm labourer for 6 days solid graft in a field of cabbages. Ahhh, the release. Labouriousness gets a bad name. It could easily have been christened ‘patience’ but its mother suffered a c-section breach and they had to break her hip to get it out. This is not a cheap quip about labour, it is a true story to be found in the register of births, deaths and marriages.

ULTRA-MICRO-CLIMATE

Micro-climates like to flex their stats. Findhorn and San Francisco brag temperatures that dwarf their chilly neighbours. Generalizing as I like to do, if you live anywhere hilly, near the sea, with a great gush of water ebbing in and out, you have a fair chance of qualifying for micro-meteorology.

If we stopped looking at climate through weather goggles and chose to treat it as a societal phenomenon comprised of millions of multi-cultures, we’d make progress. Homogeneity is no way to treat the diversity of the elements. By encouraging ice caps and deserts to travel and share the same postcode, we create climate equality, which in turn, allows the planet to blown hot and cold like a human being.

A DOG WRITES (# 74,928)

ddfcxz`rrfdfcb b dvb vcdcesv xszq2dc

The text above was written by a Jack Russell in between the cleansing of her thighs, with a tongue that stank of dehydrated dog breath. Its paw typed with the skill of Shaun Wright Phillips, and at a glance, they could be twins. If you own a terrier and it is howling at the moon as you read, this may mean that the canine motto translates as ‘fox’. That, or ‘leave my fucking leg alone, idiot man’.

RAOUL MOAT IS STRANGER THAN FICTION

Turn the telly on now.

THE SUBSTANCE OF CENTRED TEXT (# 74,929)

STORE IN A COOL,

DRY PLACE

AWAY FROM DIRECT LIGHT

SUICIDE BIRDS

There are way too many birds flying headlong into buildings, trees, hillsides, and cliffs. These are static objects. You may not have noticed, but you will now. They make soon mistake you for one of the above as you wait for a train. It got me wondering the following:

Are windows cleaner than ever?

Have these birds been briefed by an extreme crow?

Are they struggling with a double dip recession a year or two ahead of us and therefore trying to tell us to cut our losses and die with glory?

Are mobile phones confusing the sonar frequency of birds thus making them crash?

Are birds about to evolve into a land-based on foot species?

If you wonder greater wonders, please add them here>

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