NICER NAMES FOR DANNY ALEXANDER

  1. The Rusty Rat
  2. The Titian Vole
  3. The Scarlet Hamster
  4. The Ruby Gerbil
  5. The Auburn Mouse
  6. The Carroty Capybara
  7. The Claret Viscaha
  8. The Cherry Chinchilla
  9. The Burgundy Beaver

THE PIZZA FROM UTOPIA

It was a grim night. The pizza was cold.  They never could find the address.

A slice and a bite later, the mood lifted.

He went first. A tough twelve months was into year two. Then he invented something that meant he never had to work again. We never knew what. Nor did he. It just changed everything. Forever.

She went next. A deeper, darker cameo. She hadn’t died so sadly and suddenly as she had in real life.

Every other friend we all knew tipped up and found a way to live without any more tribulations.

It must have been the pepperoni.

CLASS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CLASS (# 74,918)

There is an axiom on the terraces: Class is permanent, form is temporary.

Class is one of the most distorted and misused adjectives on earth. It gets saddled with wealth on the one hand, and schooling and socio-economics on the other.

There is a third hand.

This is the hand that tells the truth. Class exists in abundance among the poorest communities in Britain. This is where self-belief struts its stuff.

Why?

Simple: people don’t give a fuck what other people think.

This rare quality is worth more than the global deficit.

Try cutting that Georgie Boy.

ROONEY MOVES TO ANFIELD IN JANUARY WINDOW

Anyone fancy a tenner with Betfair?

THE SUICIDE FLIES

His nose ran. It ran away. If fled from the flies who sought to bleed it dry. Not by the draining of blood, but by snot. Liquified snot. Snot so thin in viscosity, it could be called snit. Flies love snit almost as much as they love, yes. These flies were no ordinary household pests. They were fundamentalist flies. They knew no fear. They flew by his nostrils, forsaking their own lives in order to plant tear gas incendiary bombs and drain him of snit. By nightfall he’d fallen. The flies fed on him for the next 5 months. In the carcass left upon the kitchen floor, a glint of remorse. His ribcage became a cathedral for fly communion.

9 REASONS WHY SAN JOSE MINE IS EVERYTHING BIG BROTHER WANTED TO BE BUT WASN’T

  1. Incarnation over time.
  2. Comradeship.
  3. Family love.
  4. The support of the world.
  5. Psychological trauma.
  6. Media obsession over undeniable good news.
  7. Humanitarianism without a single death.
  8. Spontaneity.
  9. One by one evacuation strategy.

BEST BLOG EVER READ (# 74,919)

Bloggers think they’re cleverer than you – they’re wrong, you’re the one reading this and now they’re feeling loved up. Your reading precedes their writing in that they want to be read, they want to be popular, they crave affirmation that their words are hitting a mass public nerve. All the time, you control the tempo, the lifespan and the content. You are a cognitive prophet. Your influence upon the writer violates their will, which is no longer free. They are powerless. Readers are inheriting the earth and long may it continue.

WORLD BREAKING EVENT – NOVEMBER 2011

  1. Obama will quit before his term’s up.
  2. We’ll never know why and it will sadden us all but most people will buy into a bungled insider assassination conspiracy.
  3. Google will defend him.
  4. A Facebook collective will try to run for Democratic candidacy
  5. For the first time in American political history, the two opposing parties will form a coalition, and in doing so, give rise to a new party whose ideals and policies will stabilize the planet and its occupants.

WOY MILLIBAND & ED HODGSON

As a double red, I’ve spotted a pattern.

The instability of Liverpool Football Club precedes The Labour Party by little more than a week.

For David Milliband, read Martin O Neill.

For 5 European Cups, read 10 years of declining power.

For Hicks & Gillet, read Iraq and Afghanistan.

I could draw a thousand parallels but like you, I’m coming to terms with starting again.