THE ABOLITION OF SEASONS

It comes with deep regret that due to cutbacks at the Met Office, we can, as a nation, no longer afford seasons. In an official statement from the flooded Exeter HQ, a spokesperson in waders said, ‘it’s like act of god, but without the thundery voice.’ We called God and asked if he’d like to sue. He declined to comment then disappeared in a puff of mizzle.

This news is already ripping the soul out of the fashion industry, although the soul itself was heard to be relieved and happy after years of neglect, and is now looking for a new home. Another hard hit industry is tourism, who have pledged to go back to school in order to be able to tell the time of year.

The new all year round seasonless period of time will now be referred to as ‘Blanket’. ‘Blanket’ will be celebrated on the 7th of each month with a naked sundance at reservoirs across Britain.

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