MOST BEAUTIFUL PHONE NUMBER OF ALL TIME (# 74,865)

ERIC & LUIS

Dear footballing auteurs,

There’s been a lot written this season about Dr David ‘Moriarty’ Moyes doing a Colonel Rafa ‘Jellybean’ Benitez and winning the Champions League in his first season (as Rafa did) while his team languish in the Euro Vase taxi rank in the league (as Rafa’s did).

But the real deja vu is you two – Misters Cantona & Suarez.

You wear/wore the number 7.

You served time for violent conduct – be it a kung fu kick on a Palace fan, or a sinking of teeth into a Chelsea centre-half.

You are two-footed in a way few have ever have been. You kick, kill, trap, flick, caress, cajole and conjure a ball as if it is an egg. Never have feet been so soft in their touch and so precise in their aim. You are mavericks of The Beautiful Game. Two of its truest genii.

But the greatest overlap is the effect you have on your team. Just as your French charisma radiated through the Man Utd team of 92/93 to capture their first league title in 25 years, so your Uruguayan guile rubs off on the Liverpool team within 5 games of their first championship for 24 years.

So Eric, how does it pan out?

Do the other Reds win and notch up number 19, clawing to within one title of United?

And one day, will Luis join you in a remake of Butch Cantona and The Suarez Kid?

PNEUMONIC FOR LEARNING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS (# 74,866)

Zebras

Yodel

Xylophonic

Wisdom

Via

Unusually

Twisted

Snakes

Rotating

Quiet

Plates

Of

Nasty

Mincemeat

Like

Koalas

Jamming

In

High

Green

Forests

Except

Dead

Cats

Begin

Ambush