OUT STEALING TREES
The new terrorism fought not over faith, nor oil, nor land, but the very thing that makes land live: TREES. The bricks and mortar of sap and oxygen was to become the most valuable commodity on the stock exchange, just in time. With this pricelessness came violence on a scale that mankind had never seen, heard or felt.
Factions of botanical fundamentalists formed, cholorcide accounted for millions of innocent plant lovers. But trees carried more worth than people. At night, they stole them, even the very tallest Redwood. Yes, even America’s greatest totems were at risk, despite the manic security mesaures taken up by the Greenocrats (a hybrid party born out of the ashes of the politically dismembered United States).
Yet, within this world, one thief strode for the good of the world. The Robin Hood of the Rainforest, they called him. By stealth, he robbed trees from the rich to give to the poor. Once transplanted they became listed and obtained a status of diplomatic immunity. The trees made roots and the roots gave power. The world’s wealth inverted – the 95% of its riches that once belonged to 5% suddenly became the property of the poorest 5%.
And so it was, abject poverty was wiped off the bottom line of the human race.
FORGETFUL SUNDAY
They were old enough to remember but chose not to.
They chose to forget.
They looked forward because of something that happened that was never told to anyone, an experience so complex, so testing, that should it appear in film or literature, the life of the maker/writer would end.
This incident kept them going deep into their 90′s.
Once they’d gone, war, on the whole, faded. It took a while but new battles became rarer and century old disputes over land, faith and oil were lost and accepted. The odd one was even resolved. Victors felt empty. The defeated inherited the earth.
We are all historians of the future and have a choice to tell it as it will be or how it should be.
We know which our forefathers will thank us for.
CHARLIE GOT THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
And the debt too.
The running costs had shot up and the energy efficiency audit was very poor. Health & Safety stepped in and closed down the chocolate river, thus haemorrhaging the main revenue stream (this is not a pun, it is a serious matter). The accounts revealed a tax deficit in line with that of the World Recession, as income had been laundered offshore. The pension scheme was ‘akin to aero’ (ie: full of holes) and had triggered a strike in Charlie’s first week of office. The cocoa bean suppliers had also been left unpaid, thus violating their human rights. By week two, Charlie’s heart rate had risen to alarming levels, his cholesterol had quadrupled and he was being treated for panic attacks, all at the age 9. His grandfather took it upon himself to maim the vendor but was arrested for ABH and as a result suffered a stroke and passed away.
Willy Wonka.
What a wonka.
THE SUICIDE FLIES
His nose ran. It ran away. If fled from the flies who sought to bleed it dry. Not by the draining of blood, but by snot. Liquified snot. Snot so thin in viscosity, it could be called snit. Flies love snit almost as much as they love, yes. These flies were no ordinary household pests. They were fundamentalist flies. They knew no fear. They flew by his nostrils, forsaking their own lives in order to plant tear gas incendiary bombs and drain him of snit. By nightfall he’d fallen. The flies fed on him for the next 5 months. In the carcass left upon the kitchen floor, a glint of remorse. His ribcage became a cathedral for fly communion.
WORLD BREAKING EVENT – NOVEMBER 2011
- Obama will quit before his term’s up.
- We’ll never know why and it will sadden us all but most people will buy into a bungled insider assassination conspiracy.
- Google will defend him.
- A Facebook collective will try to run for Democratic candidacy
- For the first time in American political history, the two opposing parties will form a coalition, and in doing so, give rise to a new party whose ideals and policies will stabilize the planet and its occupants.
CAVEMAN ONLINE
They forget everything that happened in between.
Everything.
And the world lives to tell the tale.
This post has been sponsored by Silicon Valley Trade Union.
THE MOUTH GARDEN
A hardened herbivore for 77 years, he knew how to eat. Slow, slow, very very slow. His eating pace was all but still life. Some say it nourished him. Others say he’d been dead for years. But the food knew. It sat inside his mouth for days on end, gently swimming in his mastication. It never shrank. In fact, the waters of his tongue enabled a bean to root in his gum. In his mouth, he grew the world’s tiniest rainforest and discovered a brand new microscopic species. With the proceeds of his find, he was able to retire on St Helena where the pumpkins grew XXXL.
CANCER DANCER
She danced. Boy did she dance. She danced so hard, so forcefully, so assertively, that she had the power to cure the terminally ill if their hearts could take it.
THE LEFT RIGHT SWAP
She took photographs.
Then one night, in the angry rain, she opened window and sliced a tendon in the index finger of her left hand.
After a deep dose of general, they sewed it back together, plastering her up to the elbow just to make sure.
It took a month to heal.
She’d always been right-handed.
Until now.
Like +ve and -ve leads in a plug, her wires of dexterity had crossed.
The dominant side was now the left, while the right was happy to guide.
Her sides were correct but her handedness was not.
She sued the surgeon, whom she later married.
They had ambidextrous twins.
THE NARCOLEPTIC OWL
It fell asleep on the job.